Gabriel, I’m sorry.
It’s not good news…
It was supposed to be a routine check-up with our midwife.
It ended at the hospital with the doctor confirming there was no heartbeat. And tears streaming down our faces.
I held my wife, repeating, “We love you. We love you. We love you.” I didn’t know what else to do.
The next day, our daughter was born.
My daughter was stillborn.
For six months, I was preparing and imagining our future together.
Now, I was lost.
I was hurting. In pain. Mourning. Grieving.
How could I make things better? For my wife. For my four year old son. For myself.
Google. Forums. Social Media. It was too much.
I was overwhelmed. Just surviving.
In truth, I was drowning.
I was failing at being a supportive husband and dad.
I was letting my family down when they needed me most.
I WAS LETTING MYSELF DOWN...
Every evening, I would sit alone in the basement, searching online for answers and fixes to relieve my pain.
I gained pieces of insight from babyloss websites, grief support pages and social media posts. I found comfort from infant loss forums.
It all helped me feel less alone.
But, I didn’t feel I was taking purposeful steps towards healing. I was reading others' stories day after day. I was hurting and grieving like they were. I’m in this club no one wants to be in.
And I still felt helpless. Powerless.
One evening, alone in the basement, I made a commitment.
And, at last, I truly felt I was making progress...
I committed to writing. Every day for 30 days. Even when I had nothing to write. When I had nothing to say. When I felt numb. Still, I just started.
It was simple. It was in my control.
I finally understood WHY and HOW letting go of the pain through writing was helping in my grieving process.
I was releasing all the hurt I was holding inside, UNFILTERED, without feeling like I was burdening my wife, or sharing with friends and family that couldn’t relate and didn’t know how to react.
From time to time, if I wanted to, I shared my writing with my wife. My family. My friends.
My commitment nudged me to process what happened that day. Address my feelings. Say things to my wife that were left unsaid.
I started writing to my daughter.
And, eventually, I discovered the hidden blessings.
It was therapeutic without seeing a therapist. It was healing without visiting a doctor.
(Although professional help would have been welcome had it been accessible to me. More about that below.)
I felt stronger. I was empowered.
I’m here to help you up. Let’s get started.
Better Month After is a guided 30-Day Pledge designed for dads and families of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss, who are frustrated by the overwhelming Google (and social media-age) of information and disappointed by the lack of accessible support.
You’re grieving. You’re exhausted. You’ve read hundreds of articles, forum threads, and social media posts, but you’re not sure what to do next.
Or maybe you’re in the early days of your loss.
Better Month After is a tidy, step-by-step, 30-Day Pledge, to walk you through your journey, and the days following, so you can advance in your healing.
Purposefully Start Your Healing Journey Now.
Trusting that time heals all wounds, I felt helpless. How long do I have to wait to start feeling better? Were my Googling fits working?
When I started actively participating in my own healing is when, I feel, I actually started to heal. For me, steps (even the tiniest of steps, consistently) gave me a sense of progress.
This 30-Day Pledge walks you through daily steps to guide you on moving forward in your healing journey.
Enrol now and get all the bonuses + a 2nd Pledge to GIFT to someone it can help!
30 days to a
Better Month After
Better Month After was designed to be a transformative guide in your healing process. Each day of this 30-Day Pledge, from step order to session exercises, was carefully crafted to serve that purpose.
- Structure: The Pledge includes five intentional steps to guide you from processing the events of that
day to exploring moments of light and discovering collateral blessings.
The Pledge is a 30-day commitment - but I understand life happens. Go at your own pace. Once you register, the program is always available to you. See the Pledge outline below for more details.
- First Aid Kit: This resource guide details 35 specially curated books (non-fiction and fiction) on miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal loss, infant loss, pregnancy after loss, complicated pregnancy, for couples, dads, and siblings. And 20 online resources particularly helpful for parents of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss.
- Private Peer Support Group: When you enrol, you'll automatically join an intimate community of peers.
- You benefit from the support of other dads and families of loss, who are working through the Pledge sessions and exercises just like you.
- We connect and share our progress.
- We build lifelong relationships with others who 'get it'.
- Enjoy secret pop-ups and healing bonuses exclusive to private group members.
Across five purposeful steps, you’ll progress through sometimes challenging sessions to:
Explore what memories, emotions and feelings you hold from that day.
Discover your core supporters and key people in your life.
Connect with your child who died.
Learn about the person you are today. Reclaim your light.
Find Gratitude. Create opportunities for blessings.
Transformation from Grief
Firstly, I want to say I respect how much strength you have… it’s great to see how you’re able to help others after you and your family have been through so much. I admire what you’re doing and have done. I believe that your family should be very proud of you. My story is very similar to yours… Just wanted you to know that what you’re doing has helped me… so massive thank you! Your strength is phenomenal and you have helped me!
- Aaron Lauder
Your page and story is incredible, and inspired me to share my story today. I sent it in to Tommy’s charity and they published it a few weeks ago, however I didn’t tell any friends or family until I read your story earlier. Thank you.
- Lauren McDermott
You can never know, Gabriel, how much you have inspired me in my latest project and comforted me in the moments of “just below the surface” sadness that’s always there! Even after 38 years, my wounds find fresh openings, but they pass quickly and my joy grows daily.
- Brenda Howard White Nachreiner
Details of your 30-day guided pledge
Welcome! Watch these 6 video sessions first (4h 3mins)
Step 1: PROCESSING: That Day
Step 2: STRENGTH: Your Supporters
Step 3: LOVE: Your Child
Step 4: LOVE: Self Love
Step 5: HEALING: Gratitude
First Aid Kit
Private Peer Support Group
The core of my healing is my commitment to writing. It’s the foundation of this Pledge because it truly was the most helpful thing I did. To this day, it’s still what I consistently practice to process my grief.
Along the way, though, I discovered two additional, powerful approaches to my daily habits, that have been transformative to my everyday life as a dad of babyloss.
They are so valuable in my healing journey. I want to share them with you.
As a gift for committing to the Pledge, I want to give you two video lessons: The Might of Music: Powerful Playlist Design and The Joy of Missing Out: FOMO Detox.
These two gifts include exercises that walk you step-by-step to learning about how simple shifts in your daily life can help you regain some control in your life.
To lighten the weight that can be so heavy when grieving the loss of your child.
I’m also including a bonus series of 14 videos that offer wisdom on some common thoughts after miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss. Priceless insight from peers who are seasoned in their grief.
The Might of Music: Powerful Playlist Design
Video lesson that teaches you how to create effective playlists and coaches you on responding to the deep emotions that may result from listening to music.
Includes: 5 Exercises (Day 12 to Day 18)
The Joy of Missing Out: FOMO Detox
Video lesson that guides you to embrace living in the present and walks you through a Digital Purge.
Includes: 12 Exercises
(Day 19 to Day 30)
Insight from Peers and a Doctor
Series of 14 videos on:
- How to Recognize You’re Grieving
- How to Be Helpful to a Dad Who’s Grieving
- How to Approach Father’s/ Mother's Day
- Tattoos After Loss
About Your Pledge Guide, Gabriel Soh
Gabriel is dad to three miscarriages, a stillborn daughter, and an adventurous five year old son.
He’s felt the shock. The guilt. The anger. The hurt. The pain. (And every emotion in between.)
After his daughter was stillborn in 2018, he spent countless hours for months, every evening, trying to process his grief.
Googling for answers, reading forums for support, scrolling through social media for help.
Frustrated that there wasn’t a resource dedicated to helping dads of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss, Gabriel created LoveCommaDad, and the LoveCommaDad: Care Package.
It's his personal commitment to supporting dads (like himself) to feel less alone, and to offer simple, immediate ways for processing and managing their pain.
Gabriel also produces an IGtv Original Series called Post(+Comments) to break the silence, and shed light that dads are having these difficult conversations around child loss.
Season one of this series has been viewed over 23,000 times (and counting) on Instagram @lovecommadad.
Gabriel has been asked to contribute to books, articles, guides, blogs, podcasts, and even a film on grief and pregnancy loss.
Since starting LoveCommaDad in December 2018, he’s supported hundreds of dads, moms and families (from around the world), on varying steps of the grief journey, to grow from the pain of child loss.
When you’re ready, if you’re ready, he’s here to help you up.
What bereaved parents are saying about Gabriel
You're a really good person. I hope you realize that both you and your wife sharing your story like this can and will save relationships and brighten people's darkest moments.
I just wanted to say thank you for being you.
- Melissa Walters
I have to say how much I’m appreciating your posts. The way you talk resonates so well with me. Thank you for sharing your experience.
- Martyn Johnson
My husband and I lost our son and daughter, and our lives have never been the same. We changed as people. We see the world differently. Thank you for sharing authenticity.
- Kennedy Hope Hazzar
$150 per hourly session vs 100 hours later and more confused and frustrated than ever
Returning home from the hospital after my daughter, Joy, was stillborn, I was so lost. I felt empty. I was mourning. Grieving.
Nothing in my life had prepared me for this.
I didn’t know what to do.
Do I see a therapist? Counsellor? Psychiatrist? But at $150 to upwards of $200 per hourly session, it was not realistic.
Even if it were possible, when would be the earliest I could see them? In a month? 3 months?
I needed something now.
I’d also been told that finding a professional you can connect with is important, and it’d take at least a few sessions to see if there’s a match. Otherwise, it’s back to the drawing board.
So now, months later and $1000+ in, I’d be stressed about having to find another professional, upset about the small fortune I’ve spent, and still not be at the starting point of my healing journey?
Instead, I ended up spending close to 100 hours those first three months, Googling for answers, reading forums and scrolling through social media for help.
It was free but...
It was overwhelming. There are hundreds of articles, forum threads, and social media posts to sift through.
It was confusing. Website A would make one suggestion, Website B would offer a completely different alternative, and Website C would contribute something totally out of left field.
It was frustrating. Information online is so scattered and disorganized. I couldn’t keep track of useful articles I’d read, constructive comments on forum threads, or helpful social media posts I’d seen but can no longer find.
I’d had enough.
Three months and nearly 100 hours later, I was questioning if ANY of this was helping. Was I making progress in my healing journey?
I still felt so lost.
I would have given anything for a roadmap. I wasn’t expecting to be 100% healed. (I’m certain that’s not possible.) But, I was desperate to feel like my efforts were leading to progress.
Committing to my pledge was the game changer.
That’s why I put together this step-by-step, 30-Day Pledge with structured, guided, writing sessions and intentional bonus exercises to help you grow in your healing process.
There are some challenging sessions to work through. Facing them transformed me, my relationships, and my life.
This Pledge was the one thing that worked for me. The weight of my grief was lightened. Because I'd become stronger.
the complete Package
Core 30-Day Pledge with all Bonuses
My Risk-Free Promise
You’ll be able to access the Pledge within minutes of purchasing.
Available When You Need It
Get full access when you need it. Anytime. Day or night.
It's not helping? Let me know and I’ll give you a full refund.
♥️ for LoveCommaDad
I love what you are doing. So needed, so special, amazing therapeutic work.
- Cintia Mancuso
Gabriel - what a wonderful approach to grief. Have you reached out to Canuck Place? We are members and I'm sure they would love to use this resource.
- Andrea Barbera
This is so very cool! There aren’t a lot of dads in this space but it’s such a needed perspective. And such a special gift to the whole community but especially dads. Thank you for your heart and for your transparency to share your family’s story... I love that I have a resource to point dads to.
Frequently Asked Questions
When can I start my Pledge?
Once you commit to the Pledge, you can start right away. It’s been thoughtfully designed to guide you through 30 days of healing. You’re welcome to complete the Pledge at your own pace (life happens), however, following a daily routine for 30 consecutive days works best.
What will this Pledge teach me?
Better Month After is a pledge that walks you from processing the day of your loss through recognizing the everyday blessings that are hidden in our darkest moments. It covers a lot. Highlights include: finding strength in your supporters, exploring the love you hold for your child who died, reclaiming your light, and so much more.
Will I be healed after completing of this Pledge?
The idea behind Better Month After is to give you an organized, carefully planned guide to follow in your healing process. Although I don’t believe we can ever be fully healed from losing a child, this Pledge walks you through healing sessions and exercises that advance you through your journey. So you will experience better days, weeks, and months after. This is the intended outcome.
What equipment/tools will I need to complete this Pledge?
Access to a computer, Internet, an email account, and the commitment to complete the Pledge.
What do I do if I need help?
If you need help with anything related to the Pledge, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!
What if I want a refund?
If you fulfill the Pledge purposefully, and you don’t see progress in your healing journey, send me an email at email@example.com and I will issue a refund within the first 45 days.
the complete Package
Core 30-Day Pledge with all Bonuses
I have mixed feelings about you being here and reading to this part of the page.
It means you’re a dad, mom or family of child loss through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. It means you’re hurting, just like I’m hurting. You’re grieving, just like I’m grieving.
It means you’re looking for answers. You’re searching for some new version of peace.
I get it.
It means what you’ve been doing isn’t working. You don’t feel like you’re progressing in your healing. Or, you’re early in your grief journey.
You’re overwhelmed. Confused. Frustrated.
The worst feeling for me was the aching feeling of helplessness.
This Pledge is not a magic pill. But, it empowers you to take back some control.
If you can commit to intentionally completing each step, you’ll discover that your journey is meaningful. And probably, has already taught you lessons that have made you better.
I truly hope that you take a moment today to love yourself by committing to the transformative growth that’s possible with this Pledge.
I know it will be a turning point for you. It was for me.